Finding the Heart
by Caelharx
Summary: I never knew this feeling...
1. Chapter 1

New story, it randomly came to me while I was on a train going somewhere in Germany. Hope that you all will like it. If you're wondering about Nobody's Fault but My Own, I don't know what to tell you, I guess message me if you'd like me to finish it. So here's the story. (quick disclaimer: i dont own kingdom hearts, nor the characters in it, and i never will, no matter how much i'd want to)

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><p>When I died - or whatever you'd call it- I actually went somewhere. When I became a nobody, I didn't know that there was even anywhere <em>to<em> go, but this place... this place was a place of fire. Knowing me, you're probably thinking that I'd love it there. But you're wrong. This place wasn't only a place of fire; it was a place of sorrow. And even though I had no heart, this sadness pierced right through me. It crushed me. The sorrow tore and ripped at me from the inside, out. It gnawed at me as if it were an animal and I was its lunch. The depression, sadness, sorrow... it actually hurtme. It hurt worse than just before I died, when I had given my entire being and power, just to save Sora. This horror felt like it actually crawled under my skin, tearing through all the connections it had to muscle and bone. This sorrow was past the point where most people commit suicide. I wasn't even that lucky. At times, while I was in that place, I felt like I had finally made it to that sweet release. But I didn't receive it. I had already gotten the sweet release, and that sweet release wasn't so sweet at all. Not only was I in that pain of the sorrow, but I was in actual pain, too. I was literally crushed. I was whipped. I worked jobs that were not only meant to kill the normal, living people who worked them, but they also had not point, and felt as if they had no end. Not only those things, but also I was burned, stoned, and mocked. The ones who mocked me pointed out every mistake I had ever made, every misstep. Every single wrongdoing and character flaw that I had, they pointed out. While I was there, there were others who had to go through the same ordeal as me, too. From them, I tried to find out why I was in this horrid place, but I didn't understand their answers, all that they said sounded like gibberish, that, or they kept walking, rambling on as if they were broken. You'd think that I'd get used to this place. That I would become numb to the physical and mental torture that I was forced to endure. But no, each thing that I went through, every beating, lashing, sharp word, and emotional shattering, felt like that was the first time that had ever happened. This all always felt new, but I also felt as if I was slowly wasting away. It was as if my entire being was being sucked away.

Suddenly I felt like I was thrown half a mile. I gasped in a sharp breath. I gasped again when I realized that breath, for once, wasn't choked with heat, smoke, and sulfur. But then I felt a tick of muffled sadness deep inside (no where near what I had been feeling) when I realized that I was actually completely indifferent about all of this. It was as if I was completely devoid of any emotion. It was a very uncanny feeling; being thrown from suffocating emotion, to absolute nothingness. I could already tell that this outward shock was only the thing that I had done for so many years. Acting.  
>I sighed and sat up. I blinked in the darkness several times to try and figure out my surroundings. (My eyes had grown accustomed to the oily, yet bright like of that place I had been at.) I looked around. My non-existent heart stopped when I saw something that I had thought that I would never see again. It was the steely-blue color of an all too familiar eye. But it couldn't possibly be it... Zexion?<p>

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><p>Hoped that y'all liked it, please review!<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

Okay, chapter two. again, i do not own kingdom hearts, although i wish i did.

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><p>"Zexion?" Axel's voice sounded confused, but I could still hear the familiar ring of indifference in its tone. It was the indifference that every normal nobody had. I <em>knew <em>that he would not have changed.  
>He continued, as if he somehow realized that a single name did not make up an entire sentence, "Is that really you? But didn't I... I thought that-"<br>"You thought that you did," I snapped, "Do you _really_ think that I would be stupid enough to allow to get that close to me, let alone put my trust in you?"  
>"Well, I... you-"<br>"Arghh! You're such I fu-" I stopped myself right there. Even though he did not have a heart and could not be hurt by my words, I was still disobeying the Master. I could name at _least _two of the things that I was doing wrong. For one, I was being very hateful towards Axel; also, what I was saying was not exactly "pure" or "clean". I know that it really does not matter if I break the rules. I know that He would forgive me. I know that it does not matter, but I cannot stand the pain that I put Him through each time I do disobey. I took a quick mental note to get in control of my temper.  
>I took a look over at Axel. I know of where he had been, but I could not even begin to predict what he had been through. I was extremely lucky to have avoided that place. I snickered at myself when I realized that it was much more than luck, and how much more I received than just avoiding that place. (Although I did not deserve it, by no means could I ever deserve it.)<br>Axel looked over at me when he heard the snicker. His face changed once he seemed to have realized something.  
>"Wait, was it <span>you<span> that brought me back? Why would you-"  
>"No, you fool, it was not me," I sighed, "My apologies, I mean, no, it was not I who brought you back. And I still do not understand why you were allowed to come back in the first place." Well, I knew one reason why the Master allowed him to come back, but there must be another reason than only that. Each time I inquired about it, He told me that I would soon find out.<br>"Okay then... Hey, did you just say sorry for calling me stupid?"  
>"That does not matter at the moment. Get up, follow me.<p>

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><p>I followed Zexion through the darkness. As we were walking, I noticed a few landmarks here and there that were familiar. I could see the ominous shapes of the gray, lifeless plants that grew in this world. I was about to ask if we were where I thought we were, when I nearly ran into a black spot in the middle of the path. I instinctively took a battle stance, and made my chakrams appear. Zexion had kept walking, and didn't notice that I had stopped. The blotch of darkness hadn't moved. I bent over for a closer look at it. It looked familiar, very familiar. I allowed my chakrams to disappear. I squatted down and picked up the dark mass. I sensed the security of the black leather that I had worn for at least a good ten years. I held it out and took a look over it, even though I wasn't able to see much detail in the darkness. I noticed a certain amount shapeliness to it. Wait... This is a standard issue coat for females in the Organization.<br>"Zexion?" He had gotten pretty far ahead of me by now, but I could still make out the glint of his hair. I jogged to get caught up with him. I called out to him again, "Zexion?"  
>"Hmm?"<br>"Why was Larxene's coat in the middle of the road?"  
>At that, he looked over. He took the coat from me and looked it over. His eyes glossed over at some sort of memory. He smiled, but something about that smile was different.<br>It seemed genuine.  
>"Wait, did you get-" I began, but he cut me off, again. That smile was gone now, but it was replaced with the glint of determination in his eyes.<br>"Come," he said, "You have much to hear."

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><p>So whatd yall think, please review, i do accept flames. also, a cookie to the first person who notices something specific. (no hints as to what it is though)<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

So here's chapter three. Again, I dont own kingdom hearts. Please enjoy!

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><p>We were, in fact, where I thought we were. I stared upwards at the castle as Zexion took out his keys from his pocket. Before he could even put the key in the lock, the door flung open. Inside it stood Larxene. Something about her had changed, but before my brain had the chance to process exactly what, I found myself in a crushing hug.<br>"Axel! You're back!" she cried, "I can't believe that it worked! Well, of course it worked, He said that it would work. Still, it's unbelievable that you're back, and in one piece! Axel?" She looked up and realized that she was suffocating me. "Oh, sorry," she said, and freed me.  
>As I was trying to get back the life-giving air that was squeezed out of me, Zexion held out the Organization coat, and said, "Look at what Axel had found on our way back."<br>Larxene's eyes widened, then the corners of her lips turned upwards into the same type of smile that I had seen on Zexion's face not ten minutes ago. "Oh the memories," she reminisced, "To think, that was only a month or so ago." She shook her head, "I still can't believe how hardheaded I was about accepting the truth."  
>She looked back up at us, "Well, come in. We have too much to do for you two to just stand out here like a couple of idiots. Plus the food is gonna get burned if I don't check on it soon."<p>

The Castle That Never Was was really different from the last time that I had stepped foot into it. For one thing, that cold lifelessness that used to dwell in it no longer overpowered you. As a matter of fact, it was completely gone, and replaced with something that felt warm. Also the first floor had been completely changed and turned into a giant living room/dining room/kitchen area. Also a scent came from the kitchen that most people with hearts would probably call delightful. For me, it just made my stomach growl.  
>When Larxene hurried over to the kitchen, I realized what was different about her. The most obvious thing was that her Organization coat was replaced with a pair of ripped jeans and a lavender shirt. (Sure, we nobodies don't <em>always<em> have to wear our coats, but most of the Organization just about always wore them, and that included Larxene.) Not only that, but something hung about her that brought me back to when I was a very young kid who still had a Mama and a Dad.  
>When I turned to ask Zexion about the sudden change in her, I realized that he too has had a style change. He wore a T-Shirt and a pair of black jeans. (He was among the majority that wore the coats. Plus with the job that he had in the Organization, he had to wear it. Unless, he wanted to be sucked into the darkness.) I was beginning to wonder what exactly happened since I died.<br>I zoned back in when I heard the noises of a table being set. Zexion was putting out three bowls while Larxene put a big steaming pot of something on the table. I quickly sat down at the place that I assumed to be mine. Larxene served us the soup - which was a creamy potato kind - and I immediately dug in. For some reason though, Zexion and Larxene sat silently for a few seconds before they started eating.  
>The soup tasted way better than the stuff the Organization (except Xemnas) was forced to eat that was thrown together by Xaldin. It actually had flavor, and color. Also, there weren't random chunks of mystery animalvegetable/mineral floating in it. (The way III's too often did.) As a matter of fact, I knew every single thing that happened to float in the soup, and that stuff actually made the soup taste good.  
>After eating, me, Larxene, and Zexion went over to the living room to sit back and relax. Zexion sat in a very comfortable-looking recliner. Larxene looked over at him expectantly. He sighed, but then the determination came back to his eyes. He looked over at me and said, "So I don't suppose that you would like an explanation as to why you have been taken out of Hell, and why Larxene and I are here."<p>

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><p>Hope that you enjoyed it! Again, please review, even flames are accepted. (This <em>is<em> a story about Axel)


	4. Chapter 4

Whoo, chapter four. This time its actually not short. A shoutout goes to my onee chan, kairi, for giving me quite a bit of information, and bearing with me as I flooded her phone's inbox with questions. Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Heart. Also, a website is mentioned in this chapter, I don't own it either, and i don't even know if it exists. Enjoy!

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><p>Way before any of us were sent to Castle Oblivion, Vexen had been working on an experiment. No one, not even Xemnas, knew about it, excluding two others who were somehow involved. So when six of us were assigned to a mission that was meant to discover a hidden chamber, Vexen decided that his experiment was more important than the mission, and he could not afford to put it on hold. But he knew that Xemnas would begin to catch on that he was keeping something from him if Vexen refused a mission, so he brought it with him.<br>During the first stages of his project, Xemnas gave Vexen an assignment very similar to what he was currently working on. Because he needed time to focus on the secret experiment, Vexen merely used Xemnas's assignment as a learning tool and rushed through it, thus making the creation faulty. I cannot go into further detail about that creation, for my memory tends to fade whenever I try to ponder upon those specific events.  
>I digress, once Vexen caught wind that Marluxia was luring Sora to Castle Oblivion, he decided that this was the opportune moment for him to release his first replica. This replica proved to be very strong, so when Riku stumbled into the castle, Vexen chose to create yet another one. The replica, commonly known as "Repliku" turned out to be good, too good for Namine, who had a reluctant hand in the creation of both replicas. Therefore, whenever the Repliku attempted to destroy Sora, she immobilized it. Then, when Vexen's first replica tried going after Sora, who had been majorly weakened after fighting the Repliku, Namine got in its way, so it hit her. This angered Sora, making him kill who he thought to be Larxene. After this happened, Vexen realized that this child is much more powerful than he previously anticipated, therefore he made the true Larxene escape, and in the process warn Xemnas of this keyblade wielder's power. (He also did not want Marluxia to spread that he conducted an experiment without Xemnas's knowing, so that had also gotten rid of Larxene before Marluxia had a chance to find out.)<p>

He then filled me in about his worries of this child with a key, and offered to create a replica of me. I reluctantly agreed, and he made it in perfect timing. Not a day after it was finished, you killed Vexen. Afterward, I made the wise decision to go into hiding. Any and all news I had about the happenings in Castle Oblivion and the Organization came through my replica, and ceased once you killed it.

It was not hard for me to abandon the Organization. Having no heart, I followed only my brain and survival instincts. Both of those were telling me that the Organization is soon to fall, and that I should save my own skin while I still had a chance. Therefore I rented a flat in downtown Hallow Bastion.

In Hallow Bastion, I worked at a small shop that sold things of no consequence. There were two others who worked alongside me, until both of their hearts were stolen. Those two lived in and owned the shop. I worked there only part-time, so even if I found it in my best interests to help them, it would not have been of any use. They were attacked in the night, after the shop had been closed.

When I found the door to be locked the next day, I peeked through the windows to find the inside ravaged. I quickly found the hidden key to the door and unlocked it. I realized what had happened once the door was opened, and a pair of dusks slithered from random places inside, to the freedom of the outdoors. The rest of the day, I cleaned up the house. I disposed of any personal belongings of the two who had lost their hearts, and made the shop my new dwelling place.

Approximately six months later, a scantily dressed, drunken Larxene stumbled in to my shop, demanding coffee. It was around four in the morning, and I had barely opened the shop for the day. On a whim, I sent her to the house part of my shop to shower, put on decent clothing, and sleep off her intoxication. I believe that I now know why I did it, but for the longest time I was bewildered by that sudden inclination to be hospitable to someone who in most cases would not be of any use to me.

Larxene rose at two that afternoon demanding painkillers, coffee, and a cigarette. I gave her two of the three, and then scolded her for picking up such a bad habit. She hung out for until closing time, and then assumed that I was going to feed her. I did so on the conditions that she would tell me why she came in the way she did last night. She accepted those terms.

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><p>When Larxene fled Castle Oblivion, she realized that this was the first time that she was free ever since one of those strange little monsters attacked her as a young child. Ever since, she had worked for Xemnas, believing that it was the only way she would ever be back to normal. Her instincts told her that Xemnas was not going to make good the promises that he handed out, so she ran to the place where it would be most likely for her to blend in with the crowd, Hallow Bastion. There, she picked up a waitressing job. She did well for a while, until she was caught stealing food because her meager tips and wages could hardly pay for a single room apartment, let alone the rest of her necessities.<br>On her way home after being fired, a strange man cut off her path, offering her a job. Larxene did not ask for the details. Instead, being a rash nobody, she accepted it. The man gave her a card with an address, and told her the time to be there. He then eyed her up and down, and said for her to wear something pretty.

She stood in front of a shady-looking building the next day, a minute or so before the time the man had given her. Warily, she walked up and knocked on the door. A sliding peephole revealed a pair of wild looking eyes, demanding to know who she was and what she wanted. She held out the business card that the man from yesterday had given her. The pair of eyes belted out an all too malicious laugh, and then opened the door. The door uncovered the huge, sobbingly man who had been interrogating her. He then yelled for someone called "Tootsie". A female with too much makeup and too little clothing came strutting down the hall, asking what he wanted. She stopped when she noticed Larxene. She sighed and muttered about a guy named Randy always picking up girls off of the street.

Tootsie eyed Larxene, and then told Larxene to follow her. She opened a door that lead to the inside of a room with a ton of makeup and things on hangers that could hardly be called clothes. Larxene turned around and demanded to know what sort of place this was. Tootsie giggled darkly and explained that this is a bar and pleasure service, and _she _is going to be a part of the pleasure.

Larxene turned out to be good, very good as a matter of fact, at what she did. With no heart, no silly emotions came to her saying that this was wrong or immoral. Instead, she did her job. The only thing was that sometimes one of the guys would call her to the back rooms. That physically made her sick. So she watered it down with a bit of vodka, then did her job.

The night that she stumbled in to my shop, the monstrous guy that had met her on her first day of work, was calling her to the back rooms to be with him. Normally, she did not care who it was, but this night something inside was screaming at her. It was screaming not to do it. It screamed for her to run. So she did as it said, and rushed for the door. But a hand roughly grabbed her shoulder. A hot breath came down her neck. A voice growled into her ear, "I told you to join me in the back rooms."

Larxene turned around and kicked him so hard that he no longer had to worry about having a "glove" handy whenever he was feeling lucky. But that sure pissed him off. He pulled out a gun. Larxene did not even think to use a dark corridor, she just ran. She heard the loud cracks coming from the gun behind her, but never felt them. She just continued running. She did not know where she was going. Larxene did not even know where she was.

She finally stopped in an area that she had never been in before. She looked around, but the alcohol was still affecting her brain. So she stumbled in to a shop that had just opened.

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><p>Several months later, Larxene was standing beside the door, staring through its glass. The evening after her sudden arrival in my shop, she was in a panic. (Not truly a panic, because she had no heart, but a bit of indifferent but worthy concern.) The strip clubbetrothal that she had been working at gave the girls the freedom to live outside of it, but only as long as they came back and did not mention it to the police. They were warned time and time again that if they did not come back, it would be their necks. Some girls were made examples of when they did not arrive because they were sick. So you should understand the cause of Larxene's concern. Again compelled by some unknown force, I allowed her to stay. I promised to protect her, but only as long as she helped around the shop and stayed out of the way.

Now back to that evening several months after those events. Larxene gasped, then turned to me and said that I have to look outside. I lifted my nose out of the book I was reading. When I saw what she saw, I sat down the book, and stepped outside.

It was as if it was snowing, but it was not cold. When one drifted down in front of me, I held out my hand to try and catch hold of it. But there was no need to hold it or restrain it. It hovered gently just above the palm of my hand. Light flakes...

"Radiant Garden..."

Larxene looked over at me and asked if I used to live here. I nodded. Before the heartless, around the time of the unversed, I was an orphan who was adopted by Master Xehanort and taken care of by Even. This was the world I lived in. I turned to her, "The key wielder must be here."

Larxene's eyes widened, "I wonder if he has overtaken The World That Never Was."

I shook my head, "Perhaps not quite yet... But we should get prepared to go there."

"How much money do we have?"

"About a million Munny, plenty to build a really good gummi ship."

"How the hell did you get that much?"

I shrugged, "At the World That Never Was, I never had the need to spend it. We were fed, clothed, and the library was already plenty expansive. Plus, if I came to the Superior with a good enough explanation as to why I needed a certain book, he would get it for me."

Over the next month, we supervised the building of the gummi ship. We never considered the easier option of dark corridors; we just did as something deep inside told us to do. We also ended up packing all of our clothing, and enough food to last us about a month. We did not know why, we just did it.

Once we arrived, we were shocked at how empty The World That Never Was was. There was neither a single dusk nor shadow skittering about. As we made our way to the castle, we went very cautiously. Larxene even had her knives out in case of a surprise attack. But nothing came; we made it to the castle without any conflict.

After getting in to the castle, we unpacked, and began making this place our new home. Because this place was so huge, and there were only two of us, we decided to make the first three floors our main areas for us to dwell. The ground level was remodeled to be a kitchen/living room/dining room. The floor above was Larxene's, and the floor above that was mine. Larxene and I might have lived with it each other, but it was only on mutuality terms. We never striked up any type of relationship. No need for emotional relationships due to the lack of hearts, and no physical because I was not attracted to her, and she had her fill of the physical after her previous job.

To allow us to have regular meals on the table each day, I started a website called "". It had information over just about everything, and I received money by having advertisements on the site, and people paying to post their own entries. The website also gave me plenty of book money. Larxene chose to work as a secretary, of sorts, for me. She kept up with logistics, and went out each month to buy things for me. (Along with groceries for us.)

Approximately six months after settling down, Larxene came in to my office with a puzzled look put on to her face. She held a medium-sized book. I inquired about it. She said that she was not sure of what type it was, or what information that it held, but while she was shopping; a strange, cloaked man gave it to her. He said that this book came from a distant world, and that Zexion must read it. I asked if he really, truly had said my name. She nodded and said she had not even spoken to the man, he had only said that to her, and put the book in her hands. When she looked up to inquire about it, he was gone.

That book, Axel, got our hearts back.


End file.
